Although Gilbert’s an indoor dog, I knew that he’d be outside whilst we had kids around, so I brought his play pen & toys and tried to ensure he’d be as comfy as possible. However, he wasn’t himself in this environment. He was getting sad and it was hard for me to play with him. This yard wasn’t dog proof like mine and his pen was on the grass down two flights of stairs – difficult for me to access on my frame.

On the third day of our break we were sitting on the balcony after lunch when my three year old niece Lucy came running up the stairs grinning.

“Where did you go Luce?” my brother-in-law queried.

“To see Gilbert!” She pointed in the direction of his playpen on the grass and then said, “He was lonely so I put baby Ellen’s puppy from Santa in his cage!” She was chuffed by her good deed.

There was silence around the table and in unison all the adults peered down to see the brand new wooden toy sitting on the grass close to Gilbert – both in the play pen! Thankfully the leather ears were intact!

The toy was removed and disinfected but Lucy’s actions to ensure that Gilbert wasn’t lonely only reiterated to me the importance of integration and inclusion. Gilbert’s a dog. However, it’s those many people in our community who have been excluded because they have a disability or are different, who we should be worrying about. Those many people who have become so isolated and depressed. Perhaps we need to all try harder to entice them by dropping things into their environment. Gradually including them.

Every year I feel I should devise a list of my resolutions for the year to come. However, to me each time I recall these they feel like an obligation rather than a thing that I look forward to acquiring or achieving. They suggest to me that I’m not satisfied ‘now’. That 2009 was not good enough, that I’ll achieve ‘more’ in 2010. Maybe I will. However, these past events, both good and bad, have led me to this spot. They have been stepping stones to anything that I have and will accomplish!

So for 2010 I genuinely hope that we all consider our resolutions as things we want to do. It’s likely that if you want to achieve it, you will! I think the key to any plan to make our goals realistic and obtainable is to;

a)Identify what it is that you want to achieve i.e Emma wants to be able to walk her new puppy, Gilbert.

b) Then devise  your goal. List the six ‘W’s of your goal – ‘What?’, by ‘Who’,'Where?’ ‘Why?’,'how ‘Well?’ & ‘by When?’ i.e. Emma will be able to walk  Gilbert three laps around the local park four times a week, with her 4 wheeled frame within 20 minutes by Jan 31st.

c)Devise stepping stones to it, break it down – create sub-goals.

d) Tell another about it – be accountable. Even better – why not tell a few people in each environment you’re in (i.e. your partner, colleague & walking group!)

e) Etch an end date, a deadline in your diary. Divide that period into four and create four steps to reaching that goal! Less overwhelming, right?

f) List the disadvantages & advantages of not achieving & achieving that goal

g) List the obstacles that you might encounter – prepare yourself!

h) Brainstorm how you’ll overcome these likely obstacles. What will happen if you don’t reach your goal?

I guarantee that we all have ‘goals’ or ‘resolutions’ either written down or in our minds somewhere. However, whether these are achievable or not is up to each one of us. Remember, we ALL have a choice in how we strive for these.

For me, Christmas each year has been such a special family event. It is a great time but I guess can be really difficult too. I’ll be honest and write that I often find myself thinking, “doing a or b was once such a synch!”. However, when I do I make myself identify what I have accomplished, I focus on the ‘cans’.

For example, assembling my Christmas tree;

Pre-stroke. I often did this alone without any help.

Then I stroked.

The first year post-stroke I think I watched my parents’ tree being assembled. Actually, my double vision was so bad that I watched cloned images of the event.

The second year I only decorated the base of my parents’ tree with a lot of help, and glasses.

The third year I decorated my own tree with with my parents’ help.

This year I decorated my own tree and asked my friend to help me and bought my own lights.

Each year since my stroke I’ve been involved in assembling a tree. I think it’s so easy to think how effortless it once was, to wish that I could do it alone. However, who wants to decorate alone? Do we appreciate things as much if they are easy?

So this Christmas, if you find yourself wishing you were in a different situation, try and think of the things you can still do
- whether it’s sharing a meal with your friend or assembling your own tree!

“Hi Emma speaking” I said

“Is Emma Gee there?” He ashed

“Speaking” I said

“It’s x x x . I’m going to install air conditioner!” He said

“Oh, hi” I said pleased to hear the words ‘air con’ and ‘install’ in the same sentence!

“Is your Mummy or Daddy there?” The air conditioning man asked,way too slowly.

“Why do you need to speak with them?” I queried

“I want to ask them about the air conditioner unit!” He justified.

It was my unit that it was getting installed. I’d done the research.I huffed, shrugging my shoulders.

“I own the place, you can ask me” I said, trying not to get angry

“Can you Mum or Dad call me back?” He said, loud and slow.

Why wouldn’t he speak to me? Maybe it was cultural, but his behaviour made me so defensive.  I was already tired and more sensitive. How could I stand up for myself, be assertive using my monotonous, soft voice? I wanted to curl up in a ball.

However, I thought about the many others who were vulnerable, who lacked an ability to communicate, or confidence to express themselves. This man, wasn’t going to change his views. He was oblivious to the impact it had on me. I had a choice to let it grate me or see it as his problem and get on with things!

So today when temperatures peaked and his coat was all matted and dirty, I decided I’d bath him. Many would’ve freaked at this (my mum has probably passed out knowing that I even contemplated doing it!) but I thought I’d take a plunge. So I filled up the laundry sink and after bribing him with a dog treat, I did it! I know I didn’t get all the shampoo out and he’s probably traumatised by the event, but I definitely never envisaged being able to wash my own puppy! So what’s next? Training him to walk on a lead…..

This article was recently written and displayed on page # 3 in the local Boroondara Paper.

1. My Birth:

Yep, even my entry into to the world was different. Seven minutes after my birth my mother was nursing me and the doctor said, “There’s another one in there!”

“Another what?” my mum asked

Dad (a doctor) said, “Lyn, we’re having twins,” and nearly fainted.

So out popped my identical twin sister.

The next 24 years of my life were pretty uneventful. Life for me was great. However, my stroke at such a young age threw me. Unexpected. Totally catching me off guard. In a split second my life seemed to spiral into one of opportunity to one of barriers.

I guess we all to have times when we go backwards or don’t feel like we’re moving at all, but I kinda thought that after stroking at such a young age, nothing worse could happen. Many doctors had assured me that I would recover nearly fully with time.

2. Eye Surgery.

Two years ago I chose to have surgery to fix my double vision. I had worn my coke bottle -plus thick glasses and my right eye wandered so I was so excited. Yes, excited to have eye surgery.

I remember waking up from the procedure, in pain but so hopeful. My eye was patched.  No longer would my world be double. My vision and balance were finally going to improve; I would perhaps be able to walk without my frame.

The doctor peeled the eye patch off. Blurry. I opened my eyes.

He and my parents  watched from the end of my bed. Silence. Dead silence.

I could see them. But I could still see ‘two of them all, only now the images were piggy backed – one on top of the other!

I don’t know if it’s me and surgery but the surgeon had accidentally over- corrected my vision. I still had double vision, only now in the vertical plane.

I had gone into that procedure expecting that I would be able to fix or correct one of my many deficits. A huge setback.

Unfortunately we all have setbacks and although I thought that I’d gone through enough, I still frequently am faced with new ones. I guess I’ve learnt though, to accept what I can’t change and to change what I can. To also draw on humour and optimism at these times.

3. A Coffee Trip

Ok, you’re probably all thinking but tell us about a more ‘normal’ event that we can relate to! Ok, so take last fortnight when I returned from my morning coffee fix, driving my silver scooter from the café to my unit. A sunny, still, Sunday morning. Blue sky. Less traffic. So I’m driving up the pavement. I assume that the thick black cloud-like object ahead was merely a resident blowing dust and leaves off his property. Even the elderly lady pointing in my direction flapping her light mauve apron, waving her hands frantically to get me to stop, didn’t deter me. Yep I just kept driving right through the airborne mass, slicing it in half.

As I rounded the corner a man dressed in a beekeeper’s suit held out both his green ski- gloved hands signalling me to stop. I did.

“Are you ok?” the voice behind his plastic green hood said, concerned.

“Yep, great!” I replied, puzzled by his seriousness

The elderly lady soon joined us saying, “Dear are you alright? You just drove straight through a swarm of bees!”

I gulped, careful not to open my mouth in case I swallowed the insects. I quickly scanned my body for sudden pain, any stings. In the movie, My Girl, Thomas Jay, dies of a bee attack!!!

“I’m …I guess…fine,” I said.

However when they were out of sight I shook like a dog with fleas and scanned my scooter and bag for any stray insects. I was fine. Lucky, many would say. An unexpected event that I guess could happen to anyone. I mean, in a residential area, you wouldn’t ever imagine being surrounded by a swarm of bees.

I guess throughout my life from my entrance into the world to the leisurely Sunday coffee, so many unexpected things have taken place. But I strongly believe that it’s not what happens to you but how you choose to deal with it that matters. I’ve learnt that I’m going to encounter so many hurdles in my lifetime. But knowing that I’ve climbed over the previous ones, whether clearing them or knocking them over, I feel equipped to deal with those I’ll face in the future. After all, it’s the expected that keeps us standing, safe but still. It’s the unexpected that trips us up, and drives us to achieve.

Listen poem.

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me

and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,

you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me

and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,

you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I ask is that you listen.

Not talk or do – just hear me.

And I can DO for myself; I’m not helpless

Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do  for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,

no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince

you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.

And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious

and I don’t need advice.

So, please listen and just hear me, and if you want to talk,

wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

Anonymous