I saw a woman over the fence who I thought was gardening, but had actually fallen over. I called out to her:
“Are you alright?”
“Not really.” She replied.
“Would it be alright if I came in and helped you?”
“Yes” she replied.
I came in through the side gate with my walking frame and Molly in her basket. Her head was in an awkward position on concrete steps and she definitely needed help. I lifted her and moved her away from the concrete as best I could so that she was in a more comfortable position. However, even just that one act of moving her slightly, I pulled all the muscles in my ribs and torso and did myself quite a lot of damage in trying to help her.
The poor lady was fine but I went to get more help as she definitely needed help getting up and I knew I couldn’t lift her all the way, especially after injuring myself already.
I told her I would go and get more help. I went to the road and hailed a tradie driving past. He thankfully stopped and I explained that this lady needed some help getting up. He came inside and lifted her up and left.
After she was helped physically, I asked her multiple times if there was someone I could call for her to be with her or a doctor. She assured me she was fine and just needed to go inside. She assured me that she would definitely call someone to let them know she’d had a fall.
When I left, I shut the gate and her neighbour was in the garden and I told her what had happened. The neighbour told me: “She doesn’t have any family, but I’ll make sure I go by later and check on her.”
Knowing that she would be looked after, I felt more at ease and kept on with my day.
It was a confronting situation. Here was this lady who really needed help and there was only so much I could do. And the help I did provide, injured me quite badly. However, I’m extremely grateful to the driver who stopped and the neighbour who could provide care for her afterwards.
This experience left me feeling frustrated at my inability to help more in that situation. If only I was someone who was physically stronger, I could have been so much more helpful. I experience this often when I think of the burden I put on others when my disability gets in the way of simple tasks – moving my walking frame, picking things up, even moving my outdoor table.
The vulnerability of feeling like I’m putting in so much effort and not being able to achieve the desired result is an ongoing frustration for me, but I also need to remember that in helping the lady, I did what I could. I was able to delegate and inform others around so that she was getting the help she needed.
It was my instinct to help her but it put me in a difficult spot. It’s important for me to remember the advice we hear every time we’re on an airplane “fit your own oxygen mask before helping others around you.” If I’m not in a place that I can offer help that someone needs, there are so many other ways I can help with enlisting others around me.
I later reflected that although I couldn’t lift her physically, I was able to seek help from others who were able bodied. My disability prevented me from physically helping, but I was still able to help. If I didn’t come to her aid, then others might not have seen her there and it was actually because I was there, I could help her.
So, rather than focussing on what prevents you from helping, choose to focus on what you CAN do!
What are the ways that you CAN help? Who can you call on for support in those situations?