“She can’t do it…look at her!” She said to my support worker, raising her left elbow at me.
I sat on the black seat dumfounded. The vet towered over me, I felt completely silenced.
I shook, actually I think it was my dog on my lap causing my wobbles (ataxia) to worsen. Either way, I felt completely devalued, disempowered and ultimately squashed.
It was meant to be a quick vet appointment for my cavoodle, Molly. I was trying to be a responsible pet owner so had booked a random vet appointment and taken a support worker. Although I am reliant on my support worker’s help, I thought attending with her to take Molly would be helpful. However, the vet only conversed with her and didn’t address me directly for the entire consultation!
I tried numerous times to suppress my hurt feelings with the way I was being treated. It was her tone, manner with me and not speaking to me directly. I felt so defeated every time I tried to respond or pose a questions and was ignored.
I sighed, straightened my torso so I hopefully appeared taller and asked, “So to clarify I need to give Molly 2 tablets a day?”
She looked down at me. Her beady eyes glaring almost made my torso collapse – I felt so intimidated. She
simultaneously held up the tiny orange pill bottle saying loudly and slowly, “R e a d the W O R D S!”
I looked at her speechless. What do I say to that? I gulped and said nothing.
My support worker thankfully sensed my discomfort and her inappropriate words and tone and said,
“Em, it’s three tablets a day and then half a tablet once a day after that. I’ll help you cut them in half and write it out for you at home. All good, you’ll be fine”
“Thank you” I mimed to my support worker.
Oblivious to my horror the vet asked my support worker if “she” (meaning me) had anymore queries. After learning that I didn’t (even if I did I wouldn’t have wanted to disclose them to her), the consultation ended.
I paid a massive fee for a load of discomfort and inferiority, and left.
We all have bad days, I get that. Perhaps she’d had a very bad day. However, nothing really excuses her manner during that brief consult.
In every encounter, we should leave the person and their supports feeling more competent. In that 15 minutes, everything from her words, tone and body language just made me feel so stupid and a bad dog owner.
Consider your actions and manner in all your encounters.
Sure, you may have more knowledge about a certain topic, but that’s why they are likely seeking your input.
Surely by doing so, you will only strengthen the rapport and the trust that you develop. Most importantly, improve their ability to disclose more of the information which you need to better treat or manage the situation.
They also leave feeling that they CAN do something, so much more empowered!
How can you restore the power imbalance from the beginning of your time together?