It’s been a year since I underwent the incredibly invasive and exhausting procedure of getting my corneal graft and it was time to see the eye doctor again.
My eye care has been on a journey over the last 19 years.
At first, it was suggested that I have a procedure called a tarsorrhaphy which is connecting the top and bottom eyelid together. I have been trying for 19 years now to avoid that procedure in any way I can. Instead, I’ve had a gold weight put in my eyelid to enable it to close, plugs put into my tear ducts to retain fluid and the corneal graft as well.
Seeing the doctor again, I was excited to tell him about my custom eye patch being fitted and made for me that would alleviate the “glad wrap” solution I’ve had to do for my eye care over the last year.
After looking through the slit lamp, he suggested the tarsorrhaphy procedure.
I immediately felt defeated and perplexed at the thought of needing this procedure. All that work to avoid something that I’ve only had to come back and do all these years later.
The remainder of my appointment and my day, I felt really disheartened and confused. I paid my bill and left the appointment
I spent the rest of the day speaking with a few family and friends about the news, and what really struck me when I spoke about it, is that everyone had more questions. Questions that I didn’t ask the surgeon at all.
Why didn’t I ask these questions at the appointment?
In reflection, the news came as such a shock in his delivery that I wasn’t able to get those important questions to my mind. Although the surgeon is an incredibly knowledgeable and skilled man, but his delivery of news isn’t his strength. Was this something he was recommending happen soon? Or in the future, at some stage? What had he seen in the slit lamp that made him think that this was a good option for me? Has the graft not taken well enough?
It also struck me that he asked if I’d considered getting a gold weight in my eye. It’s in my notes of his that this is something that I already have done 10 years ago! I know that doctors have many patients with complex cases, but it’s in those moments when we have to repeat ourselves or are not given time to ask questions that really creates safety when we feel most vulnerable.
I didn’t take anyone with me to this appointment either and I wonder what it would have been like if I did. Or if I was in a more vulnerable space emotionally, could this appointment have shaken me a lot more than it already has?
I’ve decided at this moment to just sit with the recommendation for a while. I’m grappling with the thought of it happening with the emotional, physical and financial tolls that it will entail. But also thinking about it as another option and know that I don’t need to rush into making that decision.
The way we tell another person something can really shape their trajectory. If we just give a bit more time to explain something, to open the space for questions, or even just the way we deliver the news is so important in how we can make someone feel.
Remembering things about another person as a support makes all the difference to their care too. When we forget, it can feel really frustrating for a person to continue to explain themselves to us.
How can you deliver news to someone to ensure that they feel understood and avoid frustration in the person?
Can you explain things a little more and allow space for questions from them in appointments or meetings?