After months of planning and lots of work, I was excited and thrilled to be going away with my family last week. A VERY needed holiday! But, when I arrived, all that was shattered.
Planning an accessible holiday takes months of preparing. I had spent so much time researching and contacted the venue multiple times to ensure the environment was truly step-free, with a handheld shower and a shower seat. I even called two weeks before arriving to be certain. I do this because of my desire to not be a burden on my family who are also on their holiday. I never want my needs to feel like an imposition on the group.
All that planning felt like it was for nothing when we arrived at the accommodation. I saw a set of stairs to the door and simply hit a wall. It was overwhelming and so frustrating given all the work I had already done to ensure this situation wouldn’t happen. And here I was, standing at the top of the stairs, exhausted from travelling that day.
The hotel must had realised weeks earlier that their room wouldn’t meet my requirements, yet they hadn’t informed me. I was so exhausted I had no energy to advocate for myself and that meant my parents had to carry the load.
What struck me further was that they had put a seat in the bathroom, but there was no way the seat could have fit into the shower. It was another way in which I had been let down in my attempt to plan and combat this situation before facing it, which I thought I had.
The manager was called down to fix the situation and, to his credit, took responsibility, upgraded us to an accessible suite and added extras like breakfast which made a world of difference. It was nice that the situation was dealt with and a solution came with the attitude and willingness to own their mistake.
However, it didn’t feel great that the burden of advocacy fell to my parents due to my exhaustion. It was everything I was trying to avoid in my preparations.
I write in my book about my Dad advocating for me:
It’s good to have Dad by my side… He is also my advocate … Thankfully, he is able to challenge this room full of experts to explain themselves clearly.
Reinventing Emma, page 40
Disability doesn’t just affect how you move through a space, it affects the energy it takes to exist in a world not designed for you. When a space fails me, it impacts everyone I’m with.
Most people don’t get it wrong out of malice, but because they don’t understand that access is specific and non-negotiable. There is no “close enough” when it comes to accessibility needs.
This trip reminded me that while speaking up is vital, the emotional load shouldn’t fall solely on the person facing the barrier. If you see someone struggling with an access issue, you can be the one to ask the questions or push for the solution. Sometimes the most powerful support isn’t just fixing the problem, but standing beside someone when they’re exhausted and proving they don’t have to do it alone.