I’m cradling a newborn baby, wrapped in a blue blanket- rocking him from side to side. The movement’s a bit jerky but that doesn’t seem to faze him, he’s fast asleep. However, this quietness will soon to be broken by his desperate hungry cry. I know I need to feed him then but everyone has gone from the room. I can’t fulfil his need. We’re alone – A newborn & me and my bad balance. I can’t soothe him. Panic. Dread and a deep fear engulfs me.
I wake up sobbing. My eyes open wide and I sit bolt upright on the side of my bed. Half asleep I try and decipher whether all that I dreamt is true. Considering this, I’m relieved (in a way) that I don’t have a son but have a heavy feeling weighing down on my heart that in fact what I dreamt is partially reality. Whilst I may never have my own child, safely moving him if I did, with my poor balance is an issue that I definitely would have. I guess it’s an underlying fear of mine.
Have you ever woken from a vivid dream or nightmare and found it hard to decipher whether it was real or not? What do you do when the scenario you envisage is largely true? When the outcome’s already in your mind, thinking that it may differ in the future and convincing your self that it isn’t real, is tough.
However, maybe we should choose to recall what we’ve dreamt differently. I know that my nightmare was likely to be prompted by caring for my four-year-old niece yesterday after she broke her ankle and her Dad having to stay home to lift her. It is true, I can’t safely move her but what my dream failed to capture was that I wasn’t alone in this situation. In taking the day off, my brother-in-law enabled me to look after my niece the entire day. My sister brought craft activities over to us making the task easier. I was 190% supported to be the best that I could be in this situation.
So, when you have a nightmare or perceive your future to pan out in a negative way, throw in some positives to make something that you may fear less daunting. For me, the desperately lonely feeling I woke with this morning has largely faded. I’ve spent the day doing enjoyable things and trying to focus on the many things I can do and the amazing support I have in my life. Only you have control as to whether you let your nightmares come true!